Separation Anxiety

Ideas for Parents Supporting Separation Anxiety

Develop a Calming Morning Routine: Create a predictable and relaxed start to the day. Include time for a comforting routine, like a special goodbye handshake or a quick game, to make leaving home easier and build confidence for the day ahead.

Practice Positive Self-Talk: Encourage your child to use affirmations, like “I am brave” or “I can do this,” which can boost their confidence and help them manage anxiety and feelings of shame if they get into minor trouble.

Visual Reminders of Together Time: Use a small chart or simple drawing that shows when you’ll be together again after school. This helps reinforce that you’re nearby in spirit and that they’ll see you soon.

Build a Goodbye Ritual: Establish a short “goodbye” routine, such as a special hug or high-five, that you both do every morning. Consistent routines can help provide stability and comfort at drop-off.

Connect with Teachers: Share insights with their teachers about strategies that work well at home, especially if the child feels shame about small disciplinary actions. Advocate for compassionate discipline practices that build confidence rather than focus on mistakes.

Reward Small Steps in Independence: Celebrate small achievements, like entering the classroom calmly or managing a challenging part of the school day. Reinforcing progress helps your child build confidence in their ability to face difficulties.

Encourage Playdates and Small Group Activities: Setting up social time with classmates outside of school may help your child feel more secure and connected with peers, reducing anxiety.

Model Calm Reactions: Balance reassurance with helping them build their own resilience. Show your confidence in their ability to handle school by responding calmly and positively when discussing their feelings.

Read Books About School and Emotions: Find age-appropriate books that talk about emotions, school routines, and resilience. Stories can provide relatable perspectives and offer strategies they can try themselves.

Avoid Reinforcing Shame: Be mindful of language around discipline and mistakes, reframing experiences as opportunities to learn and grow rather than emphasizing fault. If your child is sensitive to discipline and feels shame when they make mistakes, reassure them that everyone occasionally talks out of turn or forgets to raise a hand, and that teachers are there to help them learn. This understanding can lessen the emotional weight of disciplinary moments and help your child approach school rules more confidently and comfortably.

Explain School Rules and Expectations Positively: Have a calm conversation with your child about school rules and the purpose behind them. Framing rules as guidelines that help everyone learn and stay safe can reduce anxiety about discipline. For example, explain that “raising a hand to speak helps everyone get a chance to share their ideas.” By discussing the why behind the rules, you can help your child see that small redirections (like moving a clip down) are not punishments but reminders to help them succeed.

Consider Individual Therapy for Emotional Support and Skill Building: Individual therapy can provide a supportive space for children who experience significant separation anxiety or feelings of shame related to school discipline. A therapist can work with your child to develop coping strategies for managing anxiety, build self-confidence, and address any underlying issues contributing to their fear of separation or feelings of shame when receiving corrections. Therapy can also help your child understand any challenges they are experiencing at school, reinforcing resilience and self-compassion. Additionally, a therapist can collaborate with you to develop specific recommendations and strategies that can be shared with school staff, helping to create a more supportive and understanding school environment tailored to your child’s needs. Starting individual therapy may equip your child with tools to navigate school more comfortably and enjoyably, building a foundation for positive emotional growth.

Ideas for Schools to Support Students with Separation Anxiety, Shame, and Discipline Sensitivity

Welcoming Routine at Drop-Off: Have a designated teacher greet the child in a warm, friendly manner each morning that does not cause the child anxiety or in a way that makes them feel they are being punished. A predictable greeting can help students feel grounded and connected at the start of the day.

Flexible Transition Spaces: Provide a “quiet zone” in the classroom or hallway where the child can ease into their day without pressure. This can reduce anxiety about immediately joining the group and give them a moment to adjust.

Reinforce Positive Behaviors: Praise small acts of bravery, cooperation, and focus. Instead of emphasizing mistakes, reinforce their successes in ways that build confidence and ease anxiety.

Display Visual Schedules: Include a daily schedule in a place where the student can easily see it. This provides reassurance about what’s coming next, helping reduce anxiety around transitions and unfamiliar activities.

Consider Private, Compassionate Discipline Methods: For students who feel shame in disciplinary situations, use one-on-one redirection or private reminders. Avoid public reprimands that may lead to embarrassment.

Break Passes for Self-Regulation: Offer the child a “break pass” they can use when they need a moment to reset. Knowing they have an option to step away can reduce stress and give them a sense of control.

Implement a Buddy System: Assign a peer buddy to help the student feel included and offer social support. The buddy system can reduce isolation and create a friendly, welcoming environment.

Teacher Training on Emotional Regulation and Shame: Provide teachers with resources on managing students’ emotional needs and understanding how discipline can impact feelings of shame. This helps create a supportive environment where students feel respected.

Creative Outlets for Emotional Expression: Allow time for activities like drawing, journaling, or storytelling where children can privately work through their emotions. These outlets provide an appropriate way for them to process their feelings.

Shift to Positive Behavior Points Instead of “Clip Down” Systems: Replace disciplinary systems that emphasize loss of points with those that focus on earning rewards. Recognizing positive behaviors can help children who feel shame around mistakes.

Class-Wide Calming Exercises: Integrate short breathing exercises or mindful moments throughout the day. Practicing these together helps normalize self-regulation and benefits students dealing with anxiety.

Communicate Successes to Parents: Send quick notes or messages home about the child’s positive behaviors and efforts. Reinforcing what went well at school builds a positive association with learning and attending school.

Address Feelings of Shame in Disciplinary Contexts: For children sensitive to discipline, provide gentle reminders that everyone makes mistakes. Reinforce the idea that it’s okay to talk out of turn occasionally and focus on practicing self-control in small, manageable steps.

Engage School Counselors: Enlist the help of school counselors to develop strategies for the student and offer short, targeted interventions that can help them adjust to their daily routine more comfortably.

Psychological Evaluations & Neuropsychological Evaluations